Posted By John W. B. Rich Posted On

Newsletter: Grateful for the $600 stimulus; Now I can lay off my employees 100% guilt-free

This is December 28th edition of the John W. B. Rich Newsletter. Want to see the newsletter every week day? Get it delivered straight to your inbox by signing up here.

Grateful for the $600 stimulus; Now I can lay off my employees 100% guilt-free

President Trump signed the latest COVID relief bill last night, which is great news for me. Knowing that all my (poor) employees will be getting a massive windfall of $600, I can lay them all off (with zero severance) completely guilt-free.

To be fully prepared for the stimulus bill, here are my best practices for ethical CEOs looking to help their companies:

PPP Loans
Pro tip: In preparation for a new round of PPP loans, start adding fake employees to your payroll now. Your loans are less likely to get flagged for review if your “employees” have already been on your payroll for several months. Personally, I am adding a bunch of fictional bond traders named after the full cast of Margin Call, a great movie starring Kevin Spacey. 

Consider a Re-Brand
I have already re-branded my B2B consulting firm into a dine-in-only Italian restaurant to fully take advantage of government benefits. Consider re-branding your thriving remote work business into one that appears to have been hit hard by the stay-at-home orders. See below for the photo of me at my “Italian restaurant” with my son, Pomp. 




Move All Your Assets into the Cryptocurrency I Just Made Up
Want to protect your family from a potential economic crisis? The only way to do that is to put all your assets into the new cryptocurrency I just made up. It’s a safe haven asset because it has only gone up so far. 

 
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