Posted By John W. B. Rich Posted On

If You Had Invested in these Stocks in January, your Wife Would’ve Left you by Now

Not all of our investment decisions work out. But, some bad investments can have dire consequences.

I am pleased to present 10 stocks that would’ve resulted in your divorce had you invested in January.

10. HighPoint Resources

If you had invested $100,000 in HPR at the start of the year, you would have $6,750 today. HPR is one of the worst-performing stock year-to-date across all exchanges. meaning your wife would definitely have left you for making such a horrible mistake.

9. Nikola Corporation

Timing is everything, and that’s why Nikola is only #9 on our list. If you had bought Nikola before its reverse merger, you actually would be doing pretty well, so this one should have an asterisk by it.

However, if you had bought NKLA at $93.99 in June, your wife would have covertly left on a private jet headed to France on a Friday at 8pm.

8. Chesapeake Energy Corporation

When your wife said her marriage vows, did she agree to stick with you through 97.98% losses on energy corporations? If not, she definitely would have left you for this one.

7. Wirecard

Imagine explaining to your wife that you lost 99.54% from the peak on Wirecard. Her attraction to you would instantly plummet by 99.54%.

6. Carnival

Not only were cruise lines a horrible investment for 2020, but this one’s ticker is “CUK”, which should perfectly describe your marriage going forward.

5. Aurora Cannabis

As if explaining to your in-laws that you lost 81% on one investment isn’t bad enough, you’d also have to admit that the investment was a weed company. They will immediately encourage their daughter to leave you for being a dumb loser.

4. The Cheesecake Factory


You’d only be down about 25% on the Cheesecake Factory if you had invested in January, but can you imagine the shame brought upon your wife if all your friends knew you invested in the Cheesecake Factory?

3. GraniteShares 3x Short Tesla Daily ETP

GraniteShares introduced a 3x short Tesla ETP this year to cater to soon-to-be-divorced men. If you had invested at the ETP’s inception in July, you would have lost 96.7% of your money and 100% of your marriage.

2. 2x Daily Oil ETF

The best way to incinerate all your money in 2020 would likely be investing in a leveraged oil ETF. If you had invested in this one, your wife would likely puke at the sight of you.

1. Citrix Systems

Imagine anticipating the work-from-home rally, but only making 3.74% by picking the video conferencing software that only senile boomers use. Your wife would have definitely left you for your neighbor who’s up 555% YTD on Zoom.

Want to advertise with John? Contact us Here.

Comments (0)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *